Miscellaneous Randomizations

Teeeen… eleveeeen… arggghhh… tu-weeeelve… 3 sets (gasp!) each consisting of 12 excruciating reps. I’m telling you, lifting that spoon and fork* from plate to mouth is no mean feat.

7 months of doing this workout and I’m getting results… positive results… like an additional 1 or 2 inches… to my waistline! Rectus Abdominus Maximus** (nope, that’s not a name of a Roman emperor). Yep. After all those years of dreaming about a paunch I finally have the beginnings of one.

* spoon and fork, not fork and knife you elitist bastard! try eating rice drenched in adobo sauce or drowning in sinigang broth with those.       

** yes, I had to look it up too you smart ass and no, there’s no Rectus Abdominus Maximus, just a Rectus Abdominus or Abdominis.

"love me small, love me big

love me like a roasted pig."

yep, i know it’s no haiku. when you’re trying to break out of your writer’s bloc, you’d be thankful for anything that comes out and rhymes.

"Mary had a little lamb…" 

Several meals ago, Rory had a little lamb too… for dinner!

A bunch of friends and I went to this local restaurant called Istanboly, popular for… you guessed it, you smarty pants you! Turkish food! We ordered the lamb chops, which I was told was their specialty. Baaa!

While we waited for the main course, a stack of "arabic" bread (similar to pita) and hummus (its not the type of soil that you learned in Geology 101) was served as appetizers. Could have been a meal in itself if you asked me. Hummus is basically chickpeas that’s ground to a thick white paste (wipe that grin off your face :D) and used as a spread or dip…

hmmm… I just realized that I’ve been trying to finish this blog for over two weeks now and i can’t seem to finish it… hmmm… writer’s bloc… my creative juice has dried… desiccated into a fine white powder…

(wringing hands in the air) ARGGHHH!!!! Must… finish… this… blog…

Ok so the lamb chops arrived… tasted great… paid and left… promising to comeback again… and perhaps retell this story… or perhaps not. As the saying goes… let roadkill lie until they becometh but a smear on the face of this earth… or something like that.

Fin.

Viola! My first spaghetti party was a success! By successful, I meant the guests did not get food poisoned. And by party, I meant dinner… for three.

I was just so happy with how my spaghetti turned out that I felt I had to share it (and brag while in the process). Nothing warms the heart like feeding ur friends and contantly saying "Wala kong ginamit na recipe jan!" or "Natural lang sigurong magaling akong magluto."

But seriously, I think I am a naturally-gifted cook (and I have a naturally big bag of hot air for a head).

And without further ado… I reveal to you… Project XS (Experimental Spaghetti)

Saute chopped tomatoes, onions, and garlic in oil. Add .550 Kg of ground beef and cook as you would ginaling. Get a cup of rice. Eat the .050 Kg of cooked ground beef with the rice. When satiated, continue with cooking the spaghetti meat sauce.

Saute sliced olives and button mushrooms in chopped tomatoes, onions and garlic. Actually, you could have included the olives and mushrooms in the previous instruction. I just want to make it harder for you.

Now you have this "ginisa na" beef with olives and mushrooms. Add the tomato sauce and tomato paste. Season with salt, pepper, oregano and basil (and maybe sugar) to your desired taste. Allow to simmer for 5 - 10 minutes and set aside.

For the noodles, get a 500 gram package. Open the package and remove the contents. Get the package that you threw in the trash can and the read the instructions on how to cook the pasta. The pasta should be al dente. I had to get a dictionary to find out what al dente really means. No, I’m not gonna tell you.

For the garlic bread, slice a baguette (that’s french bread you you) in… garlic bread slices… you know what I mean. Spread some butter, prefererably salted butter. Sprinkle with garlic powder or if you want to do in the hard way, chop up some garlic and sprinkle. Season with salt and pepper and bake in a pre-heated oven.

And it is done. Enjoy with a litre of Coke!

After reading Apyang’s Confessions of a TV Addict, I was inspired to write about my own recent experiences with this wondrous thing called teevee.

Day-in and day-out, sitting in my little corner in this part of arabia, I was being bombarded by millions of Bombay-charged photons! The brilliantly choreographed dance routines, almost ever-present in every movie, and the high-pitched yet enchanting voices are starting to win me over. I am beginning to like and perhaps even love… Bollywood!

Now if can only understand what they are saying…

Burnt Bacon Lettuce and Tomato Sandwich.

Preparing the ingredients

Get 3 slices of white bread and pop it in the toaster. Set it to 2 minutes. Next heat up some oil in the pan. Once the pan is hot enough, put in 3 strips of bacon (or 4, depends on how early you want to have heart disease) and fry. Get some fresh tomatoes and slice to desired thickness. Get some lettuce leaves too ‘cuz it’s not a BLT sandwich without the L right? Right. By this time, the bread will be ready. Put it back in the toaster for another 2 minutes. Go watch some TV. When you begin to smell something burning, remove the bacon from the frying pan. Turn off smoke alarm. The toast would have popped out the second time around this time too.

Assembling the sandwich

Layer toast, lettuce, tomatoes, bacon, another toast and so on and so forth. You then remember that you forgot to slather on some mayo and mustard and begin to disassemble the sandwich again. Spread some mayo and mustard on the toast and start cursing while assembling the sandwich the second time. Season with salt and pepper. The sandwich is now cold after all the cursing you’ve done. Put it in the oven to heat. After 2 minutes, you’re sandwich is now ready to be used as charcoal.

Bonne appetit!